Capsules

The Promise
Directed by Chen Kaige
C-
Reviewed by Dan Buskirk
Opens Fri., May 5

Looking to cash in on the market for Asian fantasy films like director Zhang Yimou has done in recent years, art house favorite Chen Kaige shoots low and misses with his CGI-drenched folk tale The Promise, a joyless exercise in losing all restraint.

Set in a time when the gods and man supposedly intermingled here on earth, The Promise spins its camera dizzily around Princess Qingcheng (Cecilia Cheung) who, as an orphaned child, took an oath to a floating ghost granting her riches at the price of never finding happiness in love. Doomed to be tangled in this jinxed beauty's web are a slave with lightning-speed powers named Kunlun (Korean actor Dong-Kun Jang of Tae Guk Gi: The Brotherhood of War) and Gen. Guangming (Hiroyuki Sanada, the Japanese star of Twilight Samurai).

This kind of palace intrigue is nothing new to director Kaige, who's done business in the U.S. market with films like Farewell My Concubine and The Emperor and the Assassin. But this is the first time he's had characters defying gravity, and Kaige's spiritless direction fails to join them in taking flight.

In the past Kaige's films have often been about austere spectacle, but here he's allowed some none-too-subtle computer effects to supply the "wow" factor. As a result The Promise reeks of the same noisy overkill as the worst of the Marvel comic book adaptations. Kaige's usual gift for memorable characters all but disappears in a blur of multiple back-flips across blood-red skies as the over-insistent score blares on and on.

Zhang Yimou's Hero and House of Flying Daggers could be accused of leaning heavily on CGI, but each had its share of stunningly designed action set pieces. In comparison, the design of The Promise possesses the same generic look that's splashed everywhere in video games and cheap blockbusters.

When this latest genre of Asian fantasy films first arrived on these shores in the early '90s, there was something impressive and exotic about their wirework and their historical settings. A decade and a half later, Asian cinema has absorbed some of the worst traits of Western film. The Promise has traveled a long way to give us the same junk we can grow quite poorly at home.

Hard Candy
Directed by David Slade
C
Reviewed by Matt Prigge
Now showing

Maybe it's an honor to get ignored at Sundance. (Gerry was.) A scandal at Park City '05, David Slade's pederast torture pic earned the kind of hyperventilating audience response usually reserved for the likes of Irreversible, primarily due to a sequence that's essentially the bridge-and-bricks scene from The Wanderers stretched out to nearly two full reels.

Longtime TV writer Brian Nelson's patently theatrical screenplay may not so secretly pine for "conversation starter" status, but don't be shocked if you and your moviegoing mates wind up arguing over which segment encouraged more hairs on the back of your neck to stand up: the aforementioned "preventive surgery" stretch, or the opening 20 minutes-a setup that could stand on its own as an endlessly unnerving short.

Opening with dueling views of an in-progress chat flirtation, the film cuts to its participants meeting: Patrick Wilson's thirtysomething fashion photographer and his prey, a 14-year-old played by teen actor Ellen Page. Citing Elizabeth Wurtzel, Jean Seberg and GoldFrapp, Page blushes when Wilson complements her precociousness, and even more when he shows her his ultra-modern Hsollywood Hills manse.

Shot almost entirely in jittery close-up, the section is fraught with unease. Inserts of Wilson's fingers wiping cake residue off Page's lips or a quick pan to a "MISSING" poster of a girl in Page's age bracket sound alarm bells-despite (or maybe because of) Wilson's frequent allusions to his ultimate decency.

Alas, Hard Candy has to deliver on the promise of its premise, turning into Hostel quicker than even Hostel itself. True, the intensity whipped up by Slade, Wilson and Page never slides into outright gore. If anything, Nelson's more interested in words, notably how they can prove useless-especially across generational lines. While tied up, Wilson cycles through tearful anecdotes, pop psychology, reverse psychology, name-calling, screaming fits, guilt-tripping and naked pleas, all of which fail to make an impression on Page's oh-so-meta-child of the Internet. It's an intriguing idea-pity Slade doesn't develop it.

In fact, Candy, despite its ambitions to film-theater and its wall-to-wall yakking, never develops any of its intriguing ideas, and all but ignores the one with the deepest possible resonance: the many perils of audience identification.

Ideally the film would volley us back and forth, having us question Page's bloodlust while simultaneously finding ourselves empathizing with Wilson. Certainly Slade and Nelson intended as much. But the two prove lazy, settling on a simple trajectory that not only never implicates the audience, but resorts to last-minute-twist shenanigans.

Candy is a Michael Haneke film for those who don't like to think.

Water
Directed by Deepa Mehta
C
Reviewed by Matt Prigge
Opens Fri., May 5

Titles say a lot about the artist who chose them. For someone like director Krzysztof Kieslowski, the grand ideas that make up the titles of some of his most famous films are there to be played with, sometimes mercilessly abstracted. Sure, White-part two of his Trois Couleurs trilogy-represents the equality part of the French flag, but you wouldn't easily intuit that from the tale of a clumsy, jilted everydork slowly wreaking vengeance on his ex-wife. But Deepa Mehta is not Krzysztof Kieslowski. Indeed, you don't need to be an Oxford grad to decipher the precise metaphorical import of a title like Water, the capper to the Indian-born, Toronto-raised filmmaker's "elemental trilogy." (The others? 1996's Fire and 1998's Earth.)

Even if you're a bit slow on the uptake, there's always a line of dialogue to explicitly remind you that Mehta's employing the cleansing definition of the word. And if that's not enough, she sets things seaside.

Much like the rest of her trilogy (most notably the sapphic Fire), Water attacks India's patriarchal system, hopping back to the 1930s to a temple of widows who, by law, are never allowed to be touched, let alone loved, for the rest of their lives. The opening, in which a man informs his bright-eyed 8-year-old daughter that she's now a widow, sets this up with tremendous force. Alas, Mehta winds up more interested in how the law affects hotcha twentysomethings, namely Lisa Ray, a Mehta regular who bucks tradition by falling for a man so infallible, so kind and so bespectacled that the third act twist is inevitable.

Water's production was famously interrupted in 2000 by religious fundamentalists who staged demonstrations, torched sets and threatened Mehta's life. (Pal George Lucas came to the rescue, if by a full-page Variety ad.) But as is so often the case, impassioned controversy doesn't translate into dramatic dynamism, and while Mehta's anger is never in doubt, it comes out as the fuzzy, middlebrow kind-the equivalent of stabbing a foe fiercely and frequently with a butter knife.

As usual, Mehta's feel for color, texture and mood far outweighs her feel for story, character, symbolism, pacing, social insight, dialogue and, well, most parts of the cinematic grammar. Not to mention, this is the sort of historical drama that features lines like, "This Gandhi is going to sink India!"

To play its own game, Water doesn't sink, but it doesn't float either.

Akeelah and the Bee
Directed by Doug Atchison
B
Reviewed by Matt Prigge
Now showing

The notion of the "intelligent crowd pleaser" usually denotes a wily deconstruction of the form, much like the twisty-turny number David Cronenberg did on the vengeance pic with A History of Violence-or any of the coded thrillers that double as mathematical experiments Brian De Palma occasionally sneaks into the nation's malls. Akeelah and the Bee, however, takes the idea literally.

The tale of an 11-year-old South Central L.A. wallflower (Keke Palmer) trying to make it to the National Spelling Bee in D.C., Doug Atchison's film may boast much talk on the "entomology of words" and feature dialogue like, "Taking Latin really teaches you about roots," but it's been studiously, often shamelessly, designed for maximum audience whooping and cheering.

The 2002 documentary Spellbound-doubtless the reason this film exists-revealed that spelling bees are among the most thrilling, intense competitions one can watch. (It's that bell, sneaking in there at the end of a word you weren't sure was spelled right or wrong.) Akeelah takes the drama one step further. The film is teeming in your standard let's-get-it-together montages, but they've been, well, dorkified: the flash card montage! The mnemonic device montage! By the time a group of kids has segued into an honest-to-God table-length Scrabble-off, resistance for the logophilic is futile.

That's not to say that Akeelah isn't intelligent in other departments, though it rarely resembles reality. Co-produced by Starbucks (!), the film's portrayal of life in the 'hood boils down to a derisive line about ghetto-speak and a positive reference to rap. Palmer's ascent from confidence-free secret brainiac to outgoing national heroine is nothing if not super-fantastical, and decked out in classic crowd-pleaser tricks. It's not enough for Palmer to miss a deceased father, but her lexicographic mentor-no-nonsense UCLA prof Laurence Fishburne-must also be pining for a late daughter. (Meanwhile, Angela Bassett, as Mom, is one-note stressed-out.)

But if Akeelah sounds fussily designed-and I haven't mentioned the monstrously pushy Korean father of another contestant-Atchison's touch isn't. He's light when things are serious, kicking into high gear only when words and ideas take front and center.

Not merely an attempt to get kids pumped for book-learnin', Akeelah gradually builds to a warm, egalitarian view of community, depicting words and knowledge as no less than a virus that infects the social order once discovered.

Not Reviewed

Hoot
After a young boy moves to Florida and discovers a threat to the native owl population, three middle schoolers team up against a cast of conniving and clueless adults to save the endangered birds. Stars Logan Lerman and Luke Wilson. Features the music of Jimmy Buffett. (Opens Fri., May 5.)

Look Both Ways
A dark Australian comedy about life, death and grieving, examined through a pessimistic woman, her dying love interest and their interactions with others during one weekend in Adelaide. Won the Discovery Award at last year's Toronto International Film Festival. (Opens Fri., May 5.)

Mission: Impossible III
The impossible part may be ignoring the real life antics of the film's protagonist long enough to enjoy it. Philip Seymour Hoffman, Michelle Monaghan and director J.J. Abrams do their best to help. (Opens Fri., May 5.)

Mrs. Palfrey at the Claremont
Widowed and nearly abandoned by her remaining family, a classy old woman (Joan Plowright) checks into a dreary retirement hotel in London. She faces certain loneliness until a chance encounter leads to an unlikely relationship with an equally lonesome young writer (Rupert Friend). (Opens Fri., May 5.)

One Last Thing ...
A young cancer patient (Michael Angarano) reveals his dying wish to spend a weekend with a supermodel (Sunny Mabrey) on local television. He then spends his last days in Manhattan with his buddies, trying to fulfill the dream. Writer Barry Stringfellow and director Alex Steyermark based much of the film on their childhood experiences in Marcus Hook, Pa. (Opens Fri., May 5.)

Ongoing

American Dreamz
American Pie guy Paul Weitz's moribund attempt to reinvent himself as a poison-pen satirist. No doubt green-lit by some exec hoping to hop on "this Fahrenheit thing," Dreamz initially seems poised to blow away fish in a barrel, only to barely graze the barrel. Stars Dennis Quaid as a paper-thin Dubya equivalent, Hugh Grant as a Simon Cowell type and Mandy Moore as a take-no-prisoners chanteuse. C- (M.P.)

The Benchwarmers
Per the title, three nerdy kids without athletic skill become teenagers who are still smarting over their benchwarming childhoods. So they start their own team to compete with Little Leagues. Philadelphians take note: Reggie Jackson plays himself. (Not reviewed.)

Caché (Hidden)
When a mysterious videotape is anonymously delivered to bourgeoisie Parisian Georges Laurent (Daniel Auteuil), the message is loud and clear: Somebody's watching you. As Caché wears on, more tapes turn up in the mailbox, and the offending camcorder's point of view grows tighter and more intimate. B- (S.B.)

Deep Sea
Get up close and personal with the creatures of the deep in the latest 3-D IMAX film, narrated by Johnny Depp and Kate Winslet. (Not reviewed.)

The Devil and Daniel Johnston
Skillfully arranged by Director Jeff Feuerzeig in a psychedelic weave of old home movies, animation and musical performances, we see the sad saga of Daniel Johnston-a talented and fragile but ruthlessly ambitious kid who managed to flirt with cult-superstardom in the burgeoning 1980s Austin, Texas, music scene before collapsing into a drug-addled, schizophrenic haze. B- (S.B.)

Failure to Launch
Matthew McConaughey plays Tripp, a boat salesman who at 35 is proudly determined to continue living at home with his parents. Desperate to begin their postparental life, his folks employ the services of Sarah Jessica Parker's Paula, a specialist who poses as romantic bait to lure overgrown boys from their mothers' apron strings. C- (D.B.)

Friends With Money
Private school teacher Jennifer Aniston is slumming it by working as a maid. This mildly distresses her nice upper-middle-class friends. And that's it. The film is Barbara Ehrenreich's Nickel and Dimed for dummies. Also starring Joan Cusack, Catherine Keener and Francis McDormand. F (Steven Wells)

Gay Sex in the '70s
Dwelling on the period between June '69 and June '81, Gay Sex examines the stereotype of the '70s as "the most libertine period the Western world has seen since Rome." The film paints a fond portrait of a decade during which you couldn't walk down the street without getting propositioned, but Gay Sex also makes an understated, moving transition into darker territory. B (M.P.)

Greece: Secrets of the Past
Nia Vardalos narrates this archaeological IMAX journey through ancient Greece's golden age. (Not reviewed.)

The Human Body
Meet pregnant Heather, her husband Buster and their niece and nephew. Then peer inside their digestive tracts and reproductive systems in this IMAX film. (Not reviewed.)

Ice Age: The Meltdown
It's a reunion of all your favorite Ice Age characters, voiced again by Ray Romano, Denis Leary and John Leguizamo, with Jay Leno and Queen Latifah too. This time around the ice is melting, and that's not good. (Not reviewed.)

Inside Man
Almost absurdly pleasurable and well-crafted entertainment, Spike Lee's first foray into mainstream genre pictures turns out to be his smoothest, most consistent work in at least a decade. Denzel Washington gives one of his slyest, most endearing performances yet, Jodie Foster embodies old-money corporate corruption with a condescending grin and Clive Owen gives another hypnotic performance. B+ (S.B.)

Kinky Boots
In an effort to save his father's shoe factory, a man elicits the help of a transvestite cabaret singer to help him create a new line of fabulous footwear. Starring Joel Edgerton and Chiwetel Ejiofor. (Not reviewed.)

L'Enfant
A Belgian film about two teenage dropouts who sell their newborn son for a truckload of cash-only to face the inevitable consequences. The film, directed by former documentarians Jean-Pierre and Luc Dardenne, is richer in themes, motifs and characterization than anything at your local multiplex. Winner of the 2005 Cannes Film Festival's Palme d'Or. A- (M.P.)

Lonesome Jim
Steve Buscemi's fourth jump behind the lens suggests nothing more than a novice hoping for Sundance '92. The film follows a despondent would-be writer (Casey Affleck) returning to dreary Goshen, Ind., after his life in New York hits a wall. Jim leans too hard on a kind of shrugging earnestness, figuring if it can't wow 'em, it'll be so light that people can't help but be taken with it, even if they don't remember why. Also stars Liv Tyler and Mary Kay Place. C+ (M.P.)

Lucky Number Slevin
Bruce Willis is in top form, blasting young Josh Hartnett off the screen without even trying, but what we get is The Usual Suspects for dummies. Also starring Morgan Freeman, Ben Kingsley and Lucy Liu. C (S.W.)

Magnificent Desolation: Walking on the Moon 3D
This IMAX film follows the landings, observations and thoughts of the 12 astronauts who have traveled to the moon. Narrated by Tom Hanks. (Not reviewed.)

The Notorious Bettie Page
Mary Harron's The Notorious Bettie Page turns the turbulent life and times of America's first bondage pinup queen into a monotonously upbeat would-be romp. As Bettie Page, Gretchen Mol is appealing, chirpy and remarkably at ease in her birthday suit, but it's a one-note role. Mol's unabashed openness during the nude scenes suggests a smarter film, one that perhaps could've explored the questions of shame, sexuality and salvation that keep the Page cult thriving today. C- (S.B.)

Phat Girlz
Received the worst rating of any film on the Internet Movie Database, barely beating out cinema classics such as From Justin to Kelly and Anus Magillicutty. Starring Mo'Nique and Jimmy Jean-Louis. (Not reviewed.)

RV
A father (Robin Williams) rents an RV and takes his dysfunctional family on a vacation to the Rocky Mountains. Guess what? They run into trouble along the way. (Not reviewed.)

Scary Movie 4
If you enjoyed the first three, chances are you'll like this one too. (Not reviewed.)

The Sentinel
TV's 24 for the big screen-only with better acting. Kiefer Sutherland, Michael Douglas, Kim Basinger and Eva Longoria star. (Not reviewed.)

Silent Hill
After driving through a portal into an alternate reality, a mother searches for her sick daughter in the haunted town of Silent Hill. (Not reviewed.)

Stick It
Bring It On writer Jessica Bendinger makes her debut as a director in this punk-inflected gymnastics tale, in which Missy Peregrym plays Haley, a former star gymnast forced to return to the high-pressure world of competition sports she thought she'd escaped. From the sharply designed credit sequence of dripping and splashing graffiti tags, Stick It has an extra level of wit and style that exudes a giddy youthfulness. A- (D.B.)

Take the Lead
The latest in a long line of movies in which a benevolent outsider teaches life lessons to ghetto high schoolers. This time the ghetto is Harlem and the lessons are taught by Antonio Banderas through dance. And he doesn't even get shot. C (Chris Anderson)

Thank You for Smoking
"The beauty of argument," says tobacco lobbyist Nick Naylor (Aaron Eckhart), "is that if you argue correctly, you're never wrong." That he happens to be imparting this wisdom to his son (Cameron Bright) not so much as sage observation but as a tip pretty much sums up the tone of Thank You for Smoking, a rollicking satire that works best when dissecting the nature of discourse. B- (M.P.)

United 93
A fly-on-the-wall, cinema verite recreation of the events of 9/11, shot in real time with unfamiliar actors (some of them nonprofessionals) and jumpy hand-held cameras. Made with support of the victims' families, and hewing as closely as possible to facts confirmed by the 9/11 commission report, there's not an exploitative frame in the picture. Director Paul Greengrass understands that when you're dealing with material this incendiary, less is always more. A (S.B.)

V for Vendetta
More like A for Amateur Hour. This turgid Wachowski brothers adaptation of Alan Moore and David Lloyd's seminal 1980s comic book posits a totalitarian future England rocked by a bomb-throwing terrorist known only as V. The comic played out like what might happen if Batman were turned loose on Orwell's 1984. The movie is significantly less fun. D (S.B.)

When Do We Eat?
A family comedy about a Passover seder turned adventure when one of the kids slips his father an Ecstasy tablet, causing him to envision himself as Moses leading the rowdy family to reconcile their differences. (Not reviewed.)

The Wild
When a young lion is mistakenly shipped from the New York Zoo to Africa, his animal friends must work together to bring him back, in this latest Disney flick. But will he want to leave? (Not reviewed.)

The World's Fastest Indian
Old Burt Munro (Anthony Hopkins) wakes his suburban New Zealand neighbors at the crack of dawn by revving the engine of his obsessively nurtured old Indian motorcycle. Wifeless and sustained only by the nerdish camaraderie of his fellow bike bores, Burt's sole remaining ambition is to take his Indian to America to break a land-speed record. The obstacles in his way are a gang of bequiffed 1960s "ton-up" hooligans, a lack of funds, a dicky heart, a dodgy bladder and the biggest ocean on the planet. B (S.W.)